Red Flags: Predictive Indicators of Abuse & Violence
- themothercorp
- Nov 3
- 5 min read
Understanding Emotional and Practical Barriers
Leaving a romantic relationship that has turned unhealthy or abusive is rarely as simple as it seems from the outside. In part, this is because there is a lot invested in the relationship—this can include emotional ties, responsibilities, shared assets, shared relationships including children, and even hope for change, which can be a powerful barrier that makes it hard to disentangle and extricate yourself from a partner.
Skills for Early Relationships
Rather, single people or people in the early stages of a relationship can learn a valuable skill set to apply earlier, as stated on my website, my joy is when you do not need my services, which are Divorce, Coparenting, and Chronic Health coaching.
The Value of Early Discernment
In the spirit of putting myself out work (necessitating a violence-free society), this blog is about learning how to discern behaviours in the early stages of a relationship—when warning signs and red flags appear. It is easier to pause, reflect, and make empowered choices at the stages of early relationship formation before substantive investments are made that make leaving feel hard.
Red Flags: Recognizing Warning Signs
Warning signs, or red flags, occur early in relationships and may precede abuse and violence. Seemingly innocuous behaviours can be precursors to serious issues, and I want you to learn what the predictive indicators of abuse and violence are.
Research on Red Flags & Predictive Indicators of Abuse & Violence
Studies have been done identifying warning signs that, though not necessarily outright abuse when they occur individually, when these behaviours cluster or are frequent predict future abuse and violence. Pay attention to when these behaviours cluster and their frequency as ways to safeguard yourself.
Clustering of these behaviours and their frequency is predictive of upcoming substantive safety problems.
Understanding what research tells us about predictive indicators is the first step. The next is recognizing these signs in real life. The following list highlights red flag behaviours that are significant when they occur.
Why Early Awareness Matters
Because warning signs can appear within the first interactions and first few months, learning this information is of value to people who are single or newly dating, helping them—and their support providers—recognize and respond early to prevent relationship violence.
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Here are research verified red flag behaviours that are warning bells for trouble to come:
My partner acted arrogant or entitled
My partner and I disagreed about something sexual
My partner and I had sex, even though I was not in the mood
My partner created an uncomfortable situation in public
My partner disregarded my reasoning or logic because it did not agree with theirs
My partner reacted negatively when I said no to something they wanted
My partner resented being questioned about how they treat me
My partner did not admit when they were wrong
My partner questioned me about where I had been and/or who I was with
My partner was financially irresponsible
My partner tried to make me jealous
My partner did not accept responsibility for their actions
My partner treated me like I was stupid
My partner tried to manipulate or control me
My partner made me feel like I was “crazy” and harmed my mental health
My partner was unsupportive of me
My partner criticized me
My partner has unrealistic expectations for our relationship
There are a whole range of red flags and these are key ones to know. There are many more subtle red flags that you can also learn during the red flag workshop.
If warning signs are multiplying and happening often, don’t ignore your instincts.
When you start noticing several of these behaviours appearing together, it’s important to take heed. Repeated patterns signal an issue—one that calls for attention and informed action. This is where the concept of triangulation becomes critical in understanding risk.
Triangulation of Red Flags
Red flags, particularly when the behaviours cluster, are predictive indicators of abuse. Multiple warning signs occurring together—and frequently—is a risk verified by research data. Triangulation means you’re experiencing a pattern, not an anomaly. Early recognition of this pattern is your most effective tool for prevention.
Recognizing patterns is empowering. Once these links are visible, you can make more grounded choices about whether to continue or step back from the relationship. Acting early, before deeper emotional or practical ties form, allows for clearer decision-making and greater safety.
Red Flags Are Easier to Act Early
By the time someone is invested in a relationship, it’s common to feel emotionally interconnected - entangled even - or pressure to make things work. Social pressure, financial ties, children, and hope for behavioural improvement all make leaving more complicated. That’s why the time for discernment and autonomous choices is easier at the very early stages—when your investments in the relationship are still in formation (and not set).
What to Do if You Notice Red Flags
Trust yourself. Pause and name what you’re experiencing.
Reach out to a trusted friend, coach, or professional who can offer perspective and support. Show them this blog article. The Mother Corp trains frontline services providers, counsellors and psychotherapists, and workers across sectors in this area. Know that the earlier you act in response to concerning patterns of behaviour, the easier it is to reclaim your safety and wellbeing.
Building discernment in the early stages of relationships improves safety. When we pay attention to patterns and trust our own instincts, we strengthen our ability to choose partners who support our wellbeing. Early awareness offers both protection and empowerment, helping you cultivate relationships that are grounded in respect, accountability, and care.
Taking proactive safeguarding steps in response to these warning signs can make a big difference to safety and wellbeing.
Ready to Learn More?
If this blog resonates and you want to practice these skills or address an issue or concern underway, you can get personalized one-on-one empowerment coaching support.
If this blog indicates to you that you are in an unhealthy relationship that you want support to process reach out for tailored separation and divorce coaching.
Skill Share
This blog outlines key information that safeguards people from harm.
Please share this article with a woman you know who is single, dating, or needing support.
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ABOUT THE AUTHOR
Chavisa Horemans, MES, CDC, CTRC
Chavisa Horemans is a Trauma-Informed Coach, Consultant, and Educator helping people navigate complex situations.
Chavisa is a Certified Divorce Coach (CDC, International Coaching Federation Member and American Bar Association Member), specializing in supporting women, often mothers, involved in high-conflict disputes and complex situations.
Chavisa holds an interdisciplinary Master’s degree in social sciences and a Graduate Diploma in adult education. Her areas of expertise include High-Conflict Divorce, Gender-Based Violence, Hidden Abuse, Financial Abuse, and Post-Separation Abuse.
She is also a certified holistic Trauma Recovery Practitioner (CTRC), helping individuals process and recover from trauma.
Contact Chavisa at themothercorp@proton.me, or text/call 778 926 8134.
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